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All the Way Home

by Ben Travis

/
1.
All the way home I thought to myself "Where did I go wrong? Why couldn't this be someone else?" All the way home I fought back the tears So many lost years So many lost hopes and dreams that I thought would come true But I guess they weren't meant to be So all the way home I tried to believe that something like this couldn't happen to me All the way home I thought of the way I spent every moment finding ways to drown my pain And all the way home I cursed at the sky and wondered how I ever got here at all It all started so well But I guess I just played too long So all the way home I tried to admit that this was my life and I made a mess of it All the way home I thought about life how we pay our money and we roll the dice Around and around and around it goes and where it stops nobody knows and all the way home I cried and I cried at how quickly I've come to the end of the line All the way home I never believed that something like this could happen to me I never thought it would end this way with so much at stake and so much thrown away And all the way home I thought to myself "If this is the end why couldn't it happen to somebody else?"
2.
I Wonder 02:21
Looking at you lying there I face my own mortality Looking out the window now I see the wind blow through the trees And I wonder... what it's like behind your eyes And I wonder... if part of you already died Thinking back to times we had It seems impossible to me That you could be the way you are A stranger to reality And I wonder... what it's like behind your eyes And I wonder... if part of you already died Looking at you lying there I face my own mortality Looking out the window now I see the wind blow through the trees And I wonder... what it's like behind your eyes And I wonder... if this is all there is to life And I wonder... what lies on the other side And I wonder... if part of you already died
3.
Enigma 05:13
(chorus) Enigma… did anyone really know you? Enigma… did anyone understand you? Enigma… did anyone really see you? Enigma… did anyone really hear you? And did you feel the love of the hearts around you? Did you try to hide your demons So no one could ever see them Did you try to hide the pain that kept you up at night? Did you want to change the world Then find out it was too broken? Did you try to find true love, but could not get it right? [to chorus] Did you find it hard to trust? Did you think someone might cheat you? Were you ever satisfied with anyone at all? Did you ever have a dream That turned out to be too elusive? Did you think you’d have more time to really set things right? [to chorus] Enigma… did anyone see the real you? Enigma… did anyone know what to do? Enigma… did anyone really know you? Enigma… did anyone understand you? Did you feel the love of the hearts around you?
4.
So many things I thought I'd have the time to say But it's over now, and I did not find a way So many years I sat and watched you rot away But I never had the time to stop the pain No, I never had the time to stop the pain (chorus) But it's over now Yes it's over now And I guess if you asked me I'd say it's a hell of a price to pay to get your name in the paper for free and I guess if you asked me I wish you'd stay I couldn't see at the time why you wanted me to come To sit with you seemed pointless when you were so drunk Now I see the lonely man you were back then And I wish I could do it all over again Yes, I wish I could do it all over again [to chorus] I guess I never put myself in your shoes I guess I never tried to see through your eyes I might have been surprised [to chorus]
5.
(verse 1) Well, I look in the mirror and I see a hollow shell of the fun loving guy I used to be Well, I look at my life and I see it’s gone to hell No one’s really sure what happened to me (chorus) But I’ve never been lonely I’ve never been lonely No, not a single day No, I’ve never been lonely even though sometimes my only friend is the bottle in my hand (verse 2) Well, I turn on the tv and I try to watch the news Not much going on that interests me Well, I look in the sink and I see it’s full of booze Must have tried to quit again last night at three [to chorus] (coda) Sometimes I think I would have enjoyed the American dream, but I just couldn’t make it work out right
6.
You told me that I was so smart You told me that I was so strong I didn't think I'd ever leave you But you've been around me too long (chorus) You put up a good fight I know But I'm telling you it's the end Even though you're still out there for me John Barleycorn you're not a good friend When it was time to celebrate You were right there with me each day But you were taking all my time Driving some good friends away [to chorus] Sometimes I still miss you, you know We went out again and again But now it's fun just to wake up And remember where I have been [to chorus]
7.
(verse 1) A woman pushes her husband down the hall Outside the door You won’t see any carpet here They’ve got concrete floors You can hear other people’s televisions And an old man screaming just down the hall And the funeral home made up a calendar And now it’s hanging there on the wall (chorus) We all want to hold on to life And hold our own But shoot me in the head before you Put me in a nursing home (verse 2) Fluorescent lights come on at night And make our faces pale And if it had better locks on the doors You could call it a jail There’s a cord with a button on the end But it might be a while till anyone comes And the man sleeping in the next bed Wakes up in the middle of the night and hums (bridge) Yeah yeah, I can smell the food from here Yeah yeah, we could be here for years
8.
Demon 06:54
(verse 1) the taste of wine still lingers in my mouth as I wake up and I guess I must have passed out when i finally had enough and the world is spinning all around as I stumble down the hall and I can't remember why I ever started this at all... (chorus) Why can't I put this demon down why can't I throw it to the ground why can't I put this demon down? (verse 2) I look back on my life and I could say I tried my best But if I get a grade for this I guess I failed the test Now... I put on my coat and wander out the door And take a swig so I don't think about this anymore
9.
(verse 1) How do I let you go How do I let you know That you have changed my life Just by loving me the same… every day How do I close my eyes How do I say goodbye To part of who I am Part of every note I play (chorus) And I guess I’ve always known That this day would come But it always seemed far away And even though I can admit That it’s part of life Why does it have to be today? (verse 2) How do I find a way To say what I should say So everyone will see What you really mean to me? How can I disguise When they try to sympathize And I can’t stand to smile And pretend that I’m okay
10.
Today 03:00
Today I think about how strange it is to hold you in my arms one moment then give you away to a darkness that I cannot see through Perhaps tomorrow I will understand it better than I do Today the weather seems so cold and even though the Sun is shining there’s a blanket on my soul and I try to tell myself it’s for the best but you should know that you will always be with me and I confess I must have taken you for granted oh, so many times I must have told you that I loved you without looking in your eyes, and now Today everything’s so clear and as I hear you take your final breath I can’t find the tears but I think of all the moments we have shared and I know all of my tomorrows will be better ‘cause you cared for me Today

about

This is an original album of songs written while I watched my dad die of cancer over the course of several months. While the subject matter is somewhat dark, I found the process of writing and recording this album to be very therapeutic. My father struggled with alcoholism throughout his life, and I had many conflicting feelings as I wrote these songs. As you listen, you will find that this level of suffering produces a great level of inspiration as well.

credits

released January 1, 2004

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Ben Travis Nashville, Tennessee

I’m a Nashville-based audio engineer and producer. I work primarily with singer/songwriters and bands with original music to help them create a musical product they can be proud of without paying the prices of major studios.

I'm also an independent artist and songwriter. My music invites listeners to think and ask meaningful questions about the world around them.
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